*Puts on good luck jersey*

*Chugs beer*

*Blows referee whistle at dog*

Oh hey… I didn’t see you there! Welcome to the Whale Reports 2018 Fantasy Football Season. I am your fearless and most times hapless commissioner Bunchu, and I will be your tour guide to the league where you can follow your favorite (or least favorite) Whale Reports contributors as they compete for bragging rights and a hefty Bitcoin bounty!

I will be doing weekly write ups to keep up with the league and for the loyal WR audience, THERE’S A GIVE AWAY! Check out our rosters and you decide who will take down the crown and if you are correct, you’ll be entered to win some Whale Reports SWAG! Details on how to enter below…

In the meantime, let’s get down to business. Today I will be breaking down the draft! The season is so close I can almost taste the beer and wings now. Let’s see how each of the WR contributors stack up for the season.


The league has pretty standard scoring. It is .5 point PPR and 4 points per passing TD, 6 for receiving and rushing TD. Roster construction is pretty standard as well, except that you start 3 WR instead of the traditional 2, and there is also one FLEX spot. There are 7 bench spots.


Now for the fun part. Here are the results of the draft by team, listed by draft position. Let us know what you think on Twitter. I will post everyone’s handle next to their team name! Who will win? Who shat the bed? We want to hear from you.

Father of Bags – @FatherOfBags Draft Position: 1 – Projected Week 1 Points: 113.74

Father of Bags led off the evening with the number 1 overall pick and chose Le’Veon Bell, an absolute stud and solid choice for first overall in a half point PPR format. He surely wasn’t afraid to take some risks however, taking Josh Gordon in the 4th and rookie RB Royce Freeman in the 5th with his back to back picks. If Freeman proves to be a solid force and a top rookie RB, FOB will without a doubt have one of the strongest RB corps in the league.

He also wasn’t afraid to let his Patriot freak flag fly, drafting a banged up Sony Michel and suspended Julian Edelman. FOB was also seen during the draft cutting the sleeves off all of his hoodies and screaming “We’re on to Cincinnati” at the top of his lungs.

Romano’s Rump Roast – @BunchuBets – Draft Position: 2 – Projected Week 1 Points: 125.92

*Disclaimer* I am writing this article. Take what I say about my team with a grain of salt. That is all.

THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN FULFILLED! Hard Stop. Bunchu came out with Todd Gurley as the 2nd overall pick starting what could prove to be an extremely formidable stable of RB’s. While Bunchu is a tad week at the starting WR position, he has some solid depth on his bench that could carry him through the gauntlet.

Bunchu is projected as the top scorer in week 1 with 125.92 points, but his team is not without some risks. He drafted Fat Rashaad Penny to handcuff to Chris Carson, a banged up Alshon Jeffery and spent the last pick on a flyer on rookie WR Cortland Sutton.

Darnold Schwarzenegger – @K1llerWh4le – Draft Position: 3 – Projected Week 1 Points: 119.07

Drafting from the 3rd position, Killer took David Johnson with his first pick. He has a strong starting WR set with Keenan Allen, Landry and Brandin Cooks and has Mr. Reliable Drew Brees at his QB position, not to mention a top tier TE in Zach Ertz. After that, Killer’s team is kind of like stale potato chips. They’re good enough to eat, but you’re not going to like it.

An injured Marlon Mack, and some other mediocre depth round out his roster. For what it’s worth, yahoo gave him the lowest draft grade. Will his strong top of the roster be enough to carry him to the playoffs, or will he be waiting for a playoff appearance longer than he waited for the Tezos launch? You be the judge.

BTCBeReal – @BtcBeReal – Draft Position 4 – Projected Week 1 Points: 120.06

I have been playing Fantasy Football with BeReal for a very very long time.  He is in fact my brother from the same mother and one of the newest contributors to Whale Reports. His interests include but are not limited to, trading shit coins, losing to me at Madden, and drafting a defense in the 7th round. He’s a pretty swell guy and you should all get to know him.

Zeke and McKinnon will serve as a strong base of RB for BeReal, however he is counting on a big bounce back season from Deshaun Watson. If Watson can produce like he was before his injury, then BeReal will be a force to be reckoned with. This is no easy task however. BeReal has some strong WR at the top of his lineup, but is not without some serious question marks. Will Allen Robinson return to pre injury form for the Bears? Will Eric Ebron finally do…. well, anything? Only time will tell, but having played with BeReal for the past 10 years. He always seems to find his way into the playoffs.

Green Team – @coinyeezy – Draft Position: 5 – Projected Week 1 Points: 119.10

By now, we all know Coinyeezy. He is a thinker and a philosophical mind. He and Taco Bell have a lot in common in that they both “Think Outside the Bun.” Yeezy did just that to start the draft. I have seen the zero RB strategy implemented many times, but not quite in the way that we saw it here.

Yeezy led off with Antonio Brown, a perennial power house and absolute beast. He will be a sure fire top 3 receiver again this year barring health. In the second and third round Yeezy went with the ole’ double TE maneuver (which is also a sexual act that you can only ask for on your birthday) and took Gronk and Travis Kelce. It’s a bold move Cotton. Yeezy is clearly stacked with pass catchers which will bode well for him in a half point PPR format. His RB situation on the other hand is looking for support harder than BTC in a bear market. If his running back depth can hold. Yeezy could be playoff bound, if not, there will not be much help for him on the waiver wire.

Dues Ex Machina – @D1rtyDan – Draft Position: 6 – Projected Week 1 Points: 121.38

If you haven’t realized by now, Dirty Dan is one of the nicest human beings on the planet. Humble and helpful on Twitter, he’s always there with a positive take. What you don’t realize, is Dan has a dark side. A deep dark demon that will strike you down and step on your throat. This demon is Fantasy Football.

Dan’s team is one of the odds on favorites for a playoff appearance coming out of the draft and one of the highest projected week one point totals. His team is balanced and steady with Kamara and Hunt leading the charge at RB. He has solid depth in his lineup as well. His starting WR corps is strong, but not flashy, like a nice reliable Honda CRV or your favorite mid-cap alt coin. He can certainly find himself among the high-caps of the league with this roster.

Dragon Slayer – @thedrag0n – Draft Position: 7 – Projected Week 1 Points: 115.71

The Dragon Slayer will try to discount double check into the playoffs with a team led by the greatness of Aaron Rodgers. Rookie sensation and my absolute man crush Saquon Barkley will anchor his RB situation, although he leaves much to be desired at RB from there. Henry is still a gamble as an RB2 with Dion Lewis lurking in the shadows in Tennessee.

Dragon’s team is filled with pass catchers and he gives himself a nice little Green Bay stack with Devante Adams which will no doubt cause some double damage to opponents multiple times throughout the season.

Dragon Slayer could 10x his way to a playoff seat, or fall another 90% from here like all of our portfolios.

XRP Lovr – @CryptoDale – Draft Position: 8 – Projected Week 1 Points: 94.60

Dale may have the lowest projected week one score, but at least his team isn’t Ripple right? Oh wait. Dale did however, stick it right to the man by not taking a kicker in the draft which is a strategy I greatly admire because kickers are the bane of Fantasy Football.

The top of Dale’s team is stacked. He has Mr. Gisele Bündchen at the helm at QB, followed by some serious fire power at the WR position with Hopkins, Baldwin (if he can get healthy) and Amari Cooper who is due for a bounce back year with the loss of Michael Crabtree. Dale will need Dalvin Cook to be back to his pre injury ways as a second year back to solidify his backfield as depth is not his friend. He will be missing Ingram for the first four games of the season. If he can survive that, he will be looking decent for the back 2/3 of the season.

This write up on Dale has been brought to you by Busch Light. The real King of Beers. Tip your waitress people.

BullyPit’s Team – @BullyPitCrypto – Draft Position: 9 – Projected Week 1 Points: 116.76

If Bully Pit could play two kickers, two defenses AND two TE’s he might not lose a game all season. But alas, he cannot. He is however, the only team to roster two kickers (maybe he’s hoarding them from Dale) two TE’s and two defenses (bonus points because both defenses are from LA.)

Other than that, he has a very strong team. Led by his personal hero Cam Newton, Bully Pit is very strong at both the QB and WR positions, but to make the playoffs he will need to drop some extra dead weight at TE, K, and DEF as he currently owns three RB’s, only two of them are starters, and one is as old as dirt and is only here so he doesn’t get fined.

Unless Bully Pit makes some waiver moves, consider him Bitcoin Cash folks.

Icebergy – @icebergy_ – Draft Position: 10 – Projected Week 1 Points: 119.28

Last but certainly not least is the creator of our favorite Whale Bot, Icebergy. The league is protesting the draft results, because I’m pretty sure that Icebergy used AI to draft his team. Drafting from the 10th and final spot, he managed to put together what could be one of the most well rounded teams from top to bottom.

Kirk “You Like That” Cousins is at QB, while he’s got massive over the top, big point potential from his WR staff in Julio, Hilton and Hill. He is also solid at RB and TE.

Barring injury, I am confident saying this is definitely a playoff team. I will spend long nights trying to talk the Whale Bot into ill advised trades, but let’s face it, that thing is smarter than me.

There you have it folks. A full breakdown of the 2018 WR Contributor Draft. Who will take home the crown and the coveted Bitcoin prize?Who will finish last and be the laughing stock of CT?

Who do you got? Let us know by tweeting your team at us (for example #TeamBunchu) to be entered into the giveaway for WR swag!

Until Next Time,

Commissioner Bunchu



Tweet @TheWhaleReports and who you are choosing to win the league using #Team(winner’s handle) (for example #TeamBunchuBets.)

Must tweet us a winner by the end of Week 1. Can only tweet @ one winner – multiples will be disqualified. If you choose correctly, you will be entered into the drawing to win some WR Swag. 5 Winners will be chosen. 

Happy Drafting!