Tis the season cryptocurrency degenerates! While this year we may not be getting everything (or anything) thought we might be getting for Christmas, there is still room for some holiday cheer.

So, before you pour your 5th glass of eggnog, spill said eggnog on Grandma, and get into a fist fight in the snow with Uncle Bob who you told to buy the top last year, take a moment while Bunchu and Chamber wish you a Merry Cryptmas.

And now we give you, “If Cryptocurrencies were Christmas Songs.”


I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas – Bitcoin Cash $BCH

Talk about a pouty, whiny, privileged, petulant child who thinks they are entitled to everything…Oh, and I guess the little girl that sings the song is pretty bad too. Sorry Roger.

Roger wanting BCash to be the real Bitcoin at all costs is on par with this little girl wanting a hippopotamus for Christmas. NO YOU CAN’T HAVE A GOD DAMN HIPPO FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Hippos are the deadliest large animal on the planet! They kill over 500 people per year in Africa. I repeat, YOU CAN NOT HAVE A FUCKING HIPPO AS A PET! Much like Hippos, BCash is a killer in and of itself. Hodl your BCash and your portfolio will be dead in no time.


Santa Baby – Verge $XVG

We all have a friend that may be a little bit too promiscuous or maybe somewhat of a gold digger. This song has both! First of all, I was under the impression that Santa gives presents to those who were well behaved all year. This song implies some possible sexual quid pro quo for all of the elaborate things on her Christmas list!

Now bring in Verge… “Hey guys, look at us… we’re the best privacy coin there is…guys…HEY NOW WE DO PORN! LOVE US!!!!”

Santa Baby, just slip a Lambo under the tree for me!

The 12 Pains of Christmas – Dogecoin $DOGE

Doge. The meme, the myth, the legend. Doge leans into its memeness and still remains a crypto classic. Enter “The 12 Pains of Christmas.” This song is a meme take on an all time Christmas song.


Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer – Ripple $XRP

Much like Rudolph, XRP doesn’t get to join in any Coinbase games. And just like Rudolph, XRP looks and sounds like a Cryptocurrency but we all know there’s something “different” about it.

Not to mention, all of the other tweeters, used to laugh and call it names (like a SECURITY)

Ripple, you’ll go down in history!!


Little Drummer Boy – Bitcoin (2017) $BTC

Moon they told me
A new born currency
The finest gifts we’ll buy

Last Christmas (Wham!)Bitconnect

Last Christmas I gave you my CASH and the very next day you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll put it all into Initiative Q.

Every year there’s a different version of this same song. It gets in your head and you think it’s catchy. You start telling your friends and family about this great new song. They tell you they’ve heard this song years ago and its shit. You get mad at them and tell them they’re idiots for not buying it and listening to it over and over. Then January comes and you realize that the song is shit, and it has been played before. Now you just have a pile of worthless CDs, Tapes, Vinyls and MP3s.

There you have it! Happy REKTmas from your favorite crypto podcast hosts. Hit us up with your Christmas coin comparisons on Twitter.

Until Next Time,